I have a future, just not the future I planned

Ari was on his way to rugby practice when his car was t-boned by someone running a red light. It resulted in a moderate TBI and some significant changes in his life. At 12 months after his injury he has started to think about what the rest of his life might look like.

I have a future, just not the future I planned.

My dad has been there with me the whole time. Whenever the hospital would let him in the door, he was there. Every day in rehab. He was at every appointment too, cause I might forget things if I went on my own. Just his presence and motivation and telling me I’m going to be fine, it made a big difference. One big thing is the change in independence, I want to be independent, it feels a bit more sheltered now that I’m back at home. Before my injury, I was living with mates in the hostel and I just felt more like my own person. I mean, it’s hard on my folks too, they sacrificed so much for me to go to uni, I’m the first one in our family to go. Then, to see me give it up…  But sometimes I feel like others don’t get it, what I’ve lost.

Completing tasks is really hard for me, I just feel so wiped out. It's really hard for me to realize that actually anything that I need to give my full concentration or I need to multitask, I can only do it for an hour or so now. I’ll probably never be an engineer now, cause a bit of concentrating just wipes me out. I just used to be so passionate about where I was going to, but I’m not gonna get there, so I have to find something I can do that gets me motivated again. My studies were important to me, and I tried to continue, but I just didn’t have the motivation and it felt pretty isolating doing one paper a semester when everyone else was doing three or four. But I’m trying to be sensible about it, and it’s still important to me so I’m trying to build up my stamina, like cognitive stamina or brain stamina, that sort of thing. I still want to do something with my life. 

My sister comes over with her kids too, I just feel better being amongst it all. But it is hard for my nephews, they don’t understand. They’re just kids but say like “why isn’t he better?” cause to them I look alright now, but when I run around with them it’s still jarrs my head. I started passing the ball with them a bit. Thinking about rugby used to be a bit of a downer, cause I won’t be able to properly play any more, and I’d get into this bad headspace thinking about how it all happened and get angry and worked up. But there’s my reason for healing right now, playing rugby with my nephews. My sister says “oh just do this then it will come right” but she doesn’t get it, in my head I just can’t, It’s frustrating for me, and I get sick of explaining it over and over again. Sometimes I feel like she thinks I’m just lazy or don’t try hard enough. But I can always talk to dad, and he keeps us both in line, we’re whanau, and family is family.

Dad kinda knows what I’ve been through, but it’s different talking to people who really know what it’s like. One guy I always hung out with, he left the hospital the same day I did… we keep in touch, we’ve been able to support each other. It’s just a different level of understanding.  We’ll probably be mates for life. 

This case is a composite example created for illustrative purposes. It is drawn from the stories of several different people. Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.